For many years, my whole life even, I have been very concious of what other people think of me. I have been more sensitive to what their perceptions are of situations in life than mine, worried about what they think of me, their opinions, and that if I wasn’t a certain way they wouldn’t like me. This was to the point I was so void of identity I put all my hopes and dreams into the most toxic people for me, in the hope they would love me when I couldn’t.
I am not saying here that these people were bad people, they were just not the right people to help me on my happy and healthy journey in growth.
Very recently I have been acutely aware of my hearts desires and with that movement I have had to let some people and situations go. With this movement there have been some big steps in emotional progress, but I have also found some of my biggest barriers and had to face them.
That is the thing, we are not guaranteed that by choosing to follow our heart everything from here on out will be sparkles, smiles and sunshine. In choosing to grow, we have to face up to a lot of truths about who we are that we really don’t want to face. You just need to remember to support yourself through facing your fears by taking the time to smile. Remember to give yourself a hug and let the sunshine of your heart burn through. You are your own best friend.
I am in no way trying to claim I am a master at this, as I certainly struggle sometimes (most the time if I am completely honest) to remember these simple things. That is why I write this blog. Not to gain recognition from anyone for it, but to remind myself I am on a unique journey. Remind myself how privileged I am to be here and have such a wonderful circle of souls I can learn from every day. If on this journey some of these ramblings helps just one other person, it’ll make me very happy. After all I am a natural people pleaser, so I can’t pretend there isn’t a part of me that will gain great satisfaction in knowing what I have to say can make another person smile, or get them thinking!
So anyway, what I am trying to say here today is that at times I expect a lot from those around me, as I feel I give so much of myself to them, I expect them to just be there in times of need. Then when they don’t show up I end up feeling resentful. This isn’t fair on my loved ones, and I am working through it daily at the moment. On the one hand I hate relying on others and love to be independent, then at times I become acutely aware of a sense of loneliness, and expect others to rectify that. But if you can’t be completely happy alone, why should anyone else be happy in your company?
That is the key. To feel fulfilled within yourself first before expecting someone else to fill that gap and help you shy away from facing your fears. When it comes down to it, we are never alone. We always have ourselves, and in life we continuously touch each others lives and leave fingerprints in each others hearts.
So when I/you next feel lonely, take a moment to think about how full your heart is from being a part of so many stories.
Ever heard of the theory “Six Degrees of Separation”? Well, it is the theory that by introduction you are effectively only 6 steps away from knowing the whole planet, through mutual friends and acquaintances. Remember this, and know you are never alone!
I am extremely blessed to have some absolutely sensational relationships in my life. Close friends who always intrigued and inspire me, family who are the greatest support circle around, work colleagues who are patient and entertaining, and even those people I clash with have been a blessing. They are the ones who challenge me and help me recognise my fears and assist in my growth in life!
So at the end of this colossal waffle, I hope I have made some sense, if anyone does end up reading this it would be great to hear from you! I could of just summed up what I was trying to say by the below quote, but the main thing is, I have got it off my chest and I can refer back in the future and recognise the great lesson I learnt here.